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I love you, for showing me the view…

I’m coming to the end of my year in Batukaras. I only have four more days until my bags will be packed, and I will board a bus for Bandung, ending my long term stay in the village. But it’s not as final as it all sounds, I’ll be back before the year officially closes to celebrate the end of a year together, and to start the new year here, in my home, with my friends and family here in Indonesia.

But first, I must leave, it’s time to go back to the motherland, spend some time with my Australian family, tie up some loose ends and prepare for a more permanent arrival back home here later in the year. The time came to make a decision, will I stay or will I go. The answer is clear, as you all know, I love it here, leaving really isn’t an option at this stage… There would be too much to leave behind… It would quite possibly break my heart.

I’m very contemplative at the moment, assessing risk versus gain, assessing want versus need etc. I’m writing again, working on a novel that has been swirling in the recess of my mind for months, sitting in draft form on my computer and disrupting my dreams for what seems like a lifetime. When I write I become an insular creature, stuck in my own world of imagination and divided by my need to exist and my desire to be silent.

I have found love here in many forms. Acceptance that transcends any reality that I have had before and love that is both shouted and left unspoken. So with friends in tow, both local and foreign, we will head to Bali, to support our friends as they compete in the surf competition. To spend time together in another world, to learn more about eachother and eat together and dance together on the white sand of another Island. And when I have had my fill, when my heart is safe and my mind is still I will board a plane to Australia.

Barefoot, decided and for the first time in a long time, heading home.

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